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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.