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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today