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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.