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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.