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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.