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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.