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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.