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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.