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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?