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Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.