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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
This post is just for you.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.