Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.