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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
New day, same old bullsh!t
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.