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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Haters gonna hate, your honor
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
i only drink on days that end with y
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.