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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.