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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.