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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..