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You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.