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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."