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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Smooth move.........ExLax
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P