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Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."