Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.