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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.