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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.