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"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?