Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.