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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
French people give me the crepes.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.