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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.