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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
At least a stalker is there for you.