Daily Silly Status

Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

Swag is for boys. Class is for men.

We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...

If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...

Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher

I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(

When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.

I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)

Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.

A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.

You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.

I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.

The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.