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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
heyy lol
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.