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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?