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To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I look so young for my rage.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."