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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow