Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.