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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
This post is just for you.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Mondays are middle finger approved
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?