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Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
it`s friday o clock
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M