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I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?