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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.