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You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe