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You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.