Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?