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Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.