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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.