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I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.