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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!