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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.