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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
My house has really let itself go.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.