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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.