Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.