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My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
My life is based on a true story
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.