Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!