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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.