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When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"