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Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.