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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.