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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Does this floor Iām laying on make me look unmotivated?