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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.