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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
"May the 4th" be with you!
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.