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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.