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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Do bees even have knees?
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.