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Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra