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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.