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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...