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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.