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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Never trust a skinny chef
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, Iām calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
It`s no fun if you have permission.