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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
A wise man, will often say nothing
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.