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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards