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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?