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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day