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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!