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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.