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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.