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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.