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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"