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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.