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The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…