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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!