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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
TEIAM - problem solved
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.