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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.