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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Some of my best memories are naps.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.