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Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around