Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.