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Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.