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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!