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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.