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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.