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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.