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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Is Nudeism a religion?
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.