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I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.