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Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-