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You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).