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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.