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I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.