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Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
I look so young for my rage.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.