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Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.