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Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.