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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.