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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.